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Girl Talk
Hints of spring lead to thoughts of golf
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EmailMarch 03. 2010 3:04PM
They’re beginning to shrink.
The snow, that is, piled up in mounds in any direction you look.
But they’re beginning to shrink and that has my thoughts turning to hopes of spring weather and my return to the golf course for another season of those famed comments, “I almost hit a hole-in-one,” “I lost three balls in the water that round,” to “That’s the best round I’ve had all season.”
I can’t wait for those phrases to return to my summertime vocabulary.
In anticipation of the return of spring and the subsequent sport of golf, this week I’m sharing a portion of “The Laws of Golf” with you.
• No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have inner peace knowing that a worse shot is yet to come.
• Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
• Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Enough said.
• Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
• The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
• Sand is alive. It does swallow golf balls.
• All 3-woods are demon possessed.
• The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
• Golfers who claim they don’t cheat, also lie.
• A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.
• Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
• It’s not a gimme if you’re still away.
• You can hit a two-acre fairway 10 percent of the time, and a two-inch branch 90 percent of the time.
• There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
• Hazards attrack; fairways repel.
• A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
• Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.
This week's needs at the Brandon Area Food Pantry
This week's needs at the Brandon Area Food Pantry are: Laundry detergent, deodorant, toothbrushes, toothpaste, jelly and dish soap. Monetary donations are always appreciated.
The Brandon Area Food Pantry is located at 406 Main Ave. To donate to the food pantry or for more information, call 582-7001.
The snow, that is, piled up in mounds in any direction you look.
But they’re beginning to shrink and that has my thoughts turning to hopes of spring weather and my return to the golf course for another season of those famed comments, “I almost hit a hole-in-one,” “I lost three balls in the water that round,” to “That’s the best round I’ve had all season.”
I can’t wait for those phrases to return to my summertime vocabulary.
In anticipation of the return of spring and the subsequent sport of golf, this week I’m sharing a portion of “The Laws of Golf” with you.
• No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have inner peace knowing that a worse shot is yet to come.
• Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.
• Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Enough said.
• Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
• The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.
• Sand is alive. It does swallow golf balls.
• All 3-woods are demon possessed.
• The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.
• Golfers who claim they don’t cheat, also lie.
• A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent’s luck.
• Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.
• It’s not a gimme if you’re still away.
• You can hit a two-acre fairway 10 percent of the time, and a two-inch branch 90 percent of the time.
• There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
• Hazards attrack; fairways repel.
• A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
• Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.
This week's needs at the Brandon Area Food Pantry
This week's needs at the Brandon Area Food Pantry are: Laundry detergent, deodorant, toothbrushes, toothpaste, jelly and dish soap. Monetary donations are always appreciated.
The Brandon Area Food Pantry is located at 406 Main Ave. To donate to the food pantry or for more information, call 582-7001.
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